"So when are you going to graduate?"
I don't quite know if they are just being polite and this is the only way they know how to make small talk but this is the #1 question to NEVER EVER EVER ask a PhD candidate. No good can come of it. Do you really think I'd go and graduate without telling you? (Heck no, you're gonna be calling me Dr. when that happens.) Why wouldn't I just volunteer that information if I had it?
I've been just about to graduate, the perpetual "almost" doctor, for at least two years now. Trust me, when I have a graduation date, you'll know! I'll shout it from the rooftops, post it on every online forum, even rent out a plane with one of those promotional banners! (Ok, not that last one but you get my drift.) At this point, that question is just a reminder of all the false alarms. (Maybe if there's enough it'll be like the boy who cried wolf!)
Believe me, I actually want to graduate. Believe it or not, I've been working on it for 5 years. You don't put that kind of time and energy into something you don't want. So we've established it's not just a hobby or waste of time. (Even though it feels that way sometimes...)
Here's my real problem with that question; it implies that graduation is the ultimate outcome/goal of 5 years of my life (9, if you count undergrad). All that hard work, blood (yes, blood), sweat, and tears is just for one measly day when I wear an uncomfortable rental robe with (the poor choice of) heels. All that was just to put a couple letters before and after my name. All that was just so you could say 'oh my-so-and-so is a doctor!'
Now, I'm not arguing that graduate school doesn't Suck (with a capital S), but I wish we could approach it with a more optimistic attitude. What happened to life is a journey and it's not just about the destination? All you young'ens out there (and the not-as-young going back to school) listen up because this is something I wish someone had told me a long time ago. In the past 5 years I made sure I was miserable for every second of it. Instead of embracing the wholly awesome experience of graduate education, I decided to get by on the bare minimum of "life". I refused to accept that being in graduate school was my life.
When you look at something as just a phase, or a step along the way to something greater, it becomes very easy to dismiss it as unimportant. It becomes very easy to go to work everyday and come home to dream about life as a 'post-doc'. And before you know it, 5 years have passed and you feel like you have very little to show for it.
It wasn't until very recently when I attended a conference with the serious intention of lining up a post-doctoral position that I realized everything I had missed and soon would be missing. There's the usual social aspects that I'm sure even the most gregarious feel; I should have been more involved on campus; I should have made more friends; I should have taken more classes 'just-for-fun'. But then there's the intellectual aspects as well; I should have read/written more papers; I should have learned that extra technique I avoided; I should have listened when they were discussing that concept I can't quite grasp. **(Pro-tip: Even if you have NO IDEA what the heck mentors/post-docs/anybody is discussing, just listen! You may not understand everything (that's what the internet is for if you're really interested), but you may just catch a tiny tidbit that could change everything. I'm talking changing the course of the world here. You never know! (Disclaimer: I do not claim to know a tiny tidbit at this time that could change the course of the world.) But on a smaller scale, an assigned book I read my junior undergrad year turned into the basis of my conversation with a potential future employer at that conference!)**
What I'm trying to say (in probably far too many words) is embrace life (and if graduate school is your life, embrace it!). Don't try to kid yourself that this isn't your life (or you're waiting for life to begin!) because you will only miss out on the life you are living right now. Whatever your situation, life has so much to offer, the good and the bad, for better or for worse. You need to grab hold of whatever life throws you and learn from it! Experience it! Go with it! If you refuse, you'll probably wind up not going anywhere at all.
So the next time someone asks me that question, maybe the solution is simply to give a better answer. The next time someone asks me,
"So when are you going to graduate?"
My reply will have to be,
"Oh, I'm in no hurry."*
*This statement is false. I am in fact in a hurry, and I have been since day one, but since that is definitely a major source of my discontent I cannot endorse being in a hurry to graduate. However, I am not a doctor (but almost!)(but still not a medical doctor), so please adhere to the guidance of trusted professionals.
Next entry, guest-written by my wonderful fiancé: The frustrations of trying to get a simple answer out of an almost Dr.
Next entry, guest-written by my wonderful fiancé: The frustrations of trying to get a simple answer out of an almost Dr.
